The Art of Raising A Puppy

Several of my friends (and millions of other people to be sure) have suggested that getting a dog is good 'practice' for having a future child, and therefore they plan to get a dog. Almost invariably, the following steps occur:
1. Couple decides they want kids, but are nervous about their parenting skills. Decide a puppy would be good method to hone parenting skills. Plus, with all that free time they have, training a doggie should be fun and easy!
2. Couple both loves large dogs, but owns new, expensive home with nice carpet and small (or fenceless) yard, gradually accepts that a smaller dog would be better.
3. Couple ends with tiny, high-energy, territorial, constantly-barking misfit dog they "rescue" from a shelter.
4. Couple tires of getting up at 5 am to take dog out, tires of dog puking in their bed, tires of dog barking out the window at passersby, tires of dog peeing on the floor when visitors come over.
5. Couple postpones having kids.

While individually, I do not find it distasteful in the least for people to "rescue" dogs from shelters, nor do I find owning small dogs too incredibly irritating, nor do I find it altogether bad that people want to own dogs before they want to procreate, let me suggest this: when company comes over, you can't shut your kids in the upstairs bedroom so they won't bother your guests.

Having a dog is an fun, awesome responsibility! Share it with your kids! If you are going to get a dog and then a few years later have kids, why not flip that around, and have kids then a few years later get a dog? That way, your preschool age kid, looking for ways to contribute and gain responsibility themselves, like taking the dog out to pee, or giving the dog food, or taking the dog for walks.
If a kid is born into a family where the parents already have a dog, the child will assume the dog belongs to the parents, and taking care of it becomes a chore assigned down from mom and dad. Love and Logic parenting produces children who are their own adversaries, and shifts blame for things off the parents: if the dog "belongs" to the kids, then they can only blame themselves when they have to take the dog out on freezing mornings, but if the dog is mom and dads, they blame their parents when they have to do that task.

I am not saying a dog doesn't enable two caring individuals to prepare for children; but then again, do you plan to swat your kids with a newspaper to train them to sit? Do you plan to teach your kids to lay down and roll over? Do you plan to make your kids stay in a crate over night? Dogs and kids are not the same, and chances are if you whack your dog with a newspaper once in a while, it will still love you and probably will still curl up in your lap as soon as it can. Abusing your children doesn't quite work that way.
Also, as a parent I must warn future parents: children are not as easily self-entertained as dogs. Give a dog a bone or a good toy, it might disappear for hours. Give a child a toy, it is bored in minutes. You don't have to teach a dog to talk, teach it ethics, teach it to read or write, give it baths every night, teach it to get along with others, teach it about God, help it when it falls down, and you can leave it at the kennel when you go on vacation. In short, a dog is a poor substitute for a child. Really, all getting a puppy teaches you is that parenting is going to be a lot of work. Wouldn't it be easier to raise a puppy with more helping hands than you and your spouse alone?

Now, the above scenario may not be true for every young couple on Earth, in fact, it surely isn't. But TAE has noticed a trend amongst his peers enough to say something: buy the house, want the big dog, adopt the small dog, postpone children. If you are wanting children, then hurry up and have them, and let your kids become dog owners with you.

And no matter what you decide, read The Art of Raising A Puppy before you act. It is probably the definitive book on puppies.


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